Timeliness\convenience\just two lonely asses trying to not be alone.

Sometimes we enter situations for painless convenience. Infiltrating a friendship based on the fact that you and the other that you desire to court are appropriately single for the proximity of your intersection. Yes, you get a long, that's why you've been great friends for such an extended period of time. Yet, we delve into this mere courting phase just because we are conveniently single but inconveniently incompatible. Friendships turned into dates... laughs turn into flirtations, hugs goodbye transform into er. should I hug or kiss, but what if kissing isn't on the books yet? Sly quips aren't as amusing and you have to endure through the trial of dating, regardless of you've been friends for six months or six years. Just to try the cards and see if the ill-fated destiny is in fact a delusional mistake. Then a few weeks later you're thrusting your head thru the sidewall because you just sacked a friend and the knife has already been placed in the side, whether it is removed or left in, the damage has been done. 

you want to...

Amazing how we cast out tiny reels. Hopelessly yearning for a bite of interest. A bit of connection. Since we've been so disconnected, taught to enjoy the moments of solitude and rather relish & bask in the singularity "me" then camouflaging it as "independence." Tiny hooks of hope will I be touched again? I love how life presents its quips.

Technologicalbulllshittingwhocaresaboutyourblackberrybitch

I love and loathe modern technology. As conveniently distracting as it can be it can lure one to a complete desolate frame of insanity. Technology, and its modern simplicity (er not sometimes) makes us so compulsive. Checking phones for texts and missed calls, voicemails when out-o-service opportunity meet, emails, blogs (dont you dare stop checking these blogs!) and even the little red blinker they give you at restaurants; you'll check it when it is designed to vibrate and blink (um compulsive). 

The sad result is if we expect and anticipate a call, text or message we (unintentionally) check our every source of contact a multitude of times throughout a day. When no one contacts us (girls/guys you pulled), job prospects, or just good friend. You begin to reason a trivial life where misery and depression overwhelms you just from eighteen hours of non-contact. AMAZING. So dependent on illuminated tools of distraction, we need to get off by feeling contact. Even if it means texting the most unsuited individual on the call list. Pathetic. 

Frank I mean Louis I mean Th3rd

Sometimes I have this crazy urge. I'm sure you all have it too. You know how the feeling sets in when you know something and have the itch to just blurt it out, almost uncontrollably like the 1st graders I observe. "I know I know I know! 8!" (er no it was 6 and don't call out either). Well instead of revealing a solution to a rather obvious question I aim to denote the significance of keeping it real. Rather Keeping it frank, actually louis...er no I mean Th3rd. But being frank would be necessary when carrying out a what I am describing. 

Dating, courting, and discovering is no longer fun. Well it was never fun, and lately it's become a bother to discover the one I am no compatible to. I'd rather keep it frank, as blunt and raw as I could...and I'm sure you could design plenty When keeping it frank goes wrong sketches. But think of how much red tape and bullshit you'd surpass by saying.

"Wow you're eyes are beautiful, and you're skin looks so soft. Since I saw you I have fantasized about being inside of you. Not only do I want to take you out on two dates tops but I would give you the best sex I could fathom in a twenty minute period. Afterwards I may come back for more given the experience was memorable and left room for imagining a more lustful gathering."

Okay, so you'd be slapped and of course I REALLY emphasized. But try it a different way.

"I'm glad we're friends

and I'm glad we're friends and I have had a growing sense of attraction to you

and I'm glad we're friends and I have had a growing sense of attraction to you and I want to kiss you

and I'm glad we're friends and I have had a growing sense of attraction to you and I want to kiss you and have a one night stand

andI'm glad we're friends and I have had a growing sense of attraction to you and I want to kiss you and have a one night stand and it not bring it up and continue our friendship as normal"

no. no it doesnt quite work that way either.

But I wish I could be frank more often. 

"Hey, you're pretty. Lets try a few dates, if it doesn't work no harm no foul. By the 2nd we should kiss, regardless of how awkward it may feel, because going past date 2 without kissing is pathetic and cumbersome to make up. If things go well, let's not have sex until the tension has peaked and we'll explore one time, without banging in my parents basement."

I like that.

Regardless of technique skipping past the bullshit would save much more time...energy... money and heartache. I can give these scenarios all day. Ciao 

Motivation for writing or as I like to say (Mothaf@%&in writing)

I see I know the motivation for thought, yet thru the mediums of writing I have been caught wordless. Blogs, poetry, and narratives have all be shorted, but it was not so much the thought I lacked but the words to express them. I have generated quick thoughts on motivation techniques... and I have looked a few via Google (aka Internet God)

Talk to a friend - great until I drive home and forget what we discussed, (mind if I take this tape recorder out?)

Watch a movie - takes too long, and mainstream movies don't motivate... I prefer a GOOD independent film (er picky)

Smoke- = sleep

Drink - =drunk (but wine (since it is a sippers drink) has been co-productive to my stimulation)

Stare out the window -  I don't think of anything when I stare out the window, I see whatever it is that is outside, sorry my deck has yet to motivate me.

Stare out the window of a(my) car - all I can fathom is how artistically interesting it would be to crash, yet see it

Think about love - er or not. Why would I want to do that... where has that taken me? oh yeah I remember

Listen to music - used to motivate me but it has not been as effective

Go out socially - er one word $$$

Take a shower - Bingo, I just wish I had a waterproof pad!!

Sit in silence - I think about past love ordeals 

Listen to poetry - Good method, but I adapt styles ultimately sounding like the poet I heard

Wait until it just comes to mind - Seem to be ill-equipped for that task

Ask others for motivation - You can't help me, don't you know I'm just about crazy?! (and alone)

Network - well I am re-establishing introvertism (sp) so eat that socialites!

writing whatever comes to mind is fun, but i definitely do not deem this poetic nor artistic (coming from me that is). 

Wow you got two in one day. Must be feeling generous, well I've been neglecting you and absent

Vacant

I have been absent. 

But I still think about you, I have somethings to do.

So excuse the lack of attention

Did I forget to mention that in the midst of my absenteeism 

Thoughts and words have been in hard labor

Under construction I have been

maintaining while maintenance is underway

I have left you for better days, and warmer ways bring thoughts

cold nights, casting shadows on snow and integral plots

attempts to remove have been deemed useless

use this time to think, i'll use my mind to its brink of capacity

I'm still absent, and I'm sorry

My mind wanders, floating like the reminisce of unimportant cereal in pink milk

I'll come back for you

My words will blanket your lonely soul, with their temporary warmth

I'm sorry I've been absent

???

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE ABOUT?!

The sky?

  birds?

trees?

Obama?

love?

money?

pregnancy?

death?

pain?

independence?

being alone?

companions?

marriage?

dogs?

wine?

cheese?

light skin girls?

short hair girls?

poetry?

lack of words?

novels?

Destroy me

employ me

I'll annoy the pretentious sub-being that you've become

And enjoy the torment I have produced

becoming reduced to nothing more than a mere figment of my imagination

Work?

the lack of work?

life?

the lack of living?

sadness?

joy?

phones?

technology?

parents?

sex?

Baltimore?

New York?

twenty-four (not the show)

quarter-life crisis?

*sigh*

Obama walks on the reflecting pool water

O-Bam-A

   O-Bam-A

The chants, 

   shirts, 

     buttons, 

plaques, 

   pens, 

hats,

    fingers,

 jewelry,     

   blankets,

 and programs.

I am fascinated by mass marketing and media coverage. If I'm not mistaken has a new Messiah been swore into our office? The way that America's new icon, has been presented seems to have the effect of JC back on Earth. I glance into the eyes of random passers by and they look as if Mr. President himself will heal their cancer, solve their finances, and allow their dying child to become strong and healthy. 

Close to 2 million surrounded and worshipped our new leader. 2 million who look as if they would give their life for our president. I'm just as excited as the next person, but be careful. Just keep praise in its correct format.

Day marking change

Incredible.

Faces lined up the streets, as hot breath accumulated above their heads. A Cold dry air possesses the air, no matter sun, nor shade, nor morning nor day: It was cold. From an aerial perspective, people aimlessly traveled to and from. Meandering to stay warm, wandering to prevent boredom. Smiles offered handshakes and happiness, pure honesty given from the collected faces. It was a time for collected races. Diverse creeds and cultures, millions of people crowded from capitol hill to the lincoln sculpture. 

It was written clearly on faces, as if a great fortune had overcome. It was more that a inferior had fallen. People were blissfully grateful that Bush's time had now entered its final hour. 

I booed right along with them.

Now a new face, a new blame, a new scapegoat, a new savior (watch that), a new hope has taken the reigns to our limping country. We have faith that he will have us galloping back to greatness and living, thriving and boasting that we are once again the "baddest mothafucka's in the worrrld." Lest us forget the path we have traveled then we wont be reluctant to follow it again. 

She told me... I've heard it

It is funny the reality people face when time synchronizes with their promises. Statements become loosely recognized and rarely met when they affix a distant approximation to their final destination. Just as I told my now ex, that in "x" amount of time we'll be together beginning a new phase of our lives and a stronger foundation for our relationship. Only time caught up with the words and I was left frantic because many things have changed since the initial word vomit. I look like liar, I'd say optimistic, hopeful that we would be able to cross paths and "build," as they say.

"When we finish college we can be together." Sadly enough I knew it was not going to happen as soon as the uttered words exited her lips. "We'll get married at 25." Only that's a year from this year, and I don't her wedding bells, in fact our lives have changed from '07 to '09 that I wonder if time as destroyed the mere thought of a union. Luckily I don't grasp on to statements like I used to. Being so in love with words has allowed me to understand how, why and what they are used for. I have the ultimate solution to figure it out. 

And if you think I will tell... hah.

In her head

"Whew. Here it is, another day. I wonder where they go, and who they see, or if they are just escaping me? I love them so very much and love the touch behind the ears and the soft caress on my stomach, how did he know? I try my best to listen to whatever he asks of me, and when I do, I become his sunshine." 

"It's so quiet here. No one is moving and nothing is stirring. I hate it during the daytime, but at night... that's when things change. The house feels warm again. Alive. Feels like a home, a home I will never leave. Unless I go out with him."

"Wait."

"Nevermind I thought I heard someone. I wish I could see the world, I'm smarter than I've been credit to possess. Yet, I remain comfortable and complacent in my dwelling. Resting, always laying and being comfortable. I cant help but to wonder many things. Only... the one I wonder the most is why am I here, by myself day in day out?"

"Wait wait wait. oh shit oh shit oh shit. Someoneee's here. Come in! Come in!! This is my house but you are welcome!! There he goes!!"

"Hiii Louis, I missed you all day, I hate sitting up in the house with nothing to do. Are you happy to see me? I'm excited to see you, this is so great, finally someone to hng around and relax next to. This is perfect. But first... take me for a piss."

SIlence Massaged my Brain

Outside it remains cold. A thorough chill that penetrates insulation. Cold to the core, where quick conversations and muted deliberations exist. Inside and up thirteen steps a husband and wife lay in bed watching old standup Cosby movies. Laughing to distract the cold, and the time that remains until the next day. Down thirteen stairs and halfway through the hallway a small dog lays on her back, unconcerned with the creaks and moans of the aging house. Down the hall and in the kitchen a clock ticks, and in between each noticeable tick the steps of a mouse echo. Down thirteen more steps and down the hall where darkness and light merge. On the floor lays a man. Engaged in life, as he lays still. Not sorrowful, not depressed, not doubtful, nor is he despondent. Money, nor woman, nor occupation, nor situation can unrest his sustained mindset. He is at peace. 

I'm smiling for what I have, and not what I want. 

cutedumb

Nothing infuriates me more than ignorance. Simple stupidity bothers me, along with a list of other things, more than the weather, bills and bad news. What can make me smile through pain and complications is the human nature of a child. The smiles they can produce through confusion and pain, the easy forgiveness for forgetting or not fulfilling an obligation, or the simple joy and energy they produce. In the land of oxymorons and imperfect combinations, I have been blessed with the circumstance to become surrounded by some children who share no intelligence whatsoever, and/or lack competency to a specific degree. Will I still be able to smile through their the layers of dense comprehension, or will it cause me to get upset? I wonder

The world you know pt. I

I was listening to this song called "the world I know" and the artist is describing how the world she knows travels much to slow. I agree. It will go as slow as you make it, and it will go even slower if you allow stress and struggles win over your spirit. You can not allow the mailman to deliver your happiness or sorrow for the day. The world will travel at turtle speed when you are depressed, so how do you solve that? Utilize and master optimism, cheer for the small things and do not let collectors decide you fate. 

The things I don't say piece

 

 

 Th3rd

The things I don’t say

12/21/08

The days have become strange

Not saying your name, not hearing your voice

I couldn’t have made this choice on my own

Because although I say I’m not, I like to talk to you on the phone

You reverse the feeling of alone and your sweetness places me on a thrown

I feel as if you respect me and reflect the idea of man and woman

 

I can, and I’ll do it, be your friend and open

Get over this fear, I’m hoping, so that you don’t leave me, like you just did

The silence and the cold release my name

It’s the warmth from your voice

The embrace form your tones

Yeah I miss you

 

I wish I got to kiss you before you flew hours and miles away

I’m sure you’re having fun but come back to me someday

Some say I’m impossible, because I get in my own way

Well I pray for clarity, and for your patience

Know that I possess many admirations

For you

Your heart and your love

Sent from above, just keep me in your thoughts

Don’t leave this Gemini alone cause you’re already caught

So you can’t be easily let go

And I may not let you know how special you truly are

But every once in a while my poetry will show you, you’re my star.

 

Monthly Storm

There's that calmness. Pure serenity defined. The ease and stillness before a raging storm. The air smells sweeter, and the sun shines brighter. Just as peace has massaged your mind and caressed your trust. 

Instantly a strike of lightning braids the sky and suddenly clouds have laced the dense air. Yes, we all know what I'm talking about. No it's not abuse... although I've heard the similarity in stories. No it's not a hurricane. They are bills. The quiet time before they arrive is shear bliss. Then that week appears, I owe this, and that, minimum payment and collections, creditors and debt. Consolidate and defer, pay and balance. The storm comes full fledged, chipping away at my serene scene and bringing me back to desolation. 

Overhearing the kids in the hall today 1

Kid 1-"I want to be a nerd."

Kid 2-"Why?"

Kid 1-"Because, nerds are real smart. They look funny, but I'd rather be smart."

Shower inspirations

Damn, I really ignored my post count and forgot to recognize my 100th post... well this is 105 or 6 but regardless triple digits. What to expect in 2009? Well hopefully I can get out more, so I can discuss the skewed observations I choose. I had a shower inspiration today everyone, one that has drawn inspiration to my second book. It is imperative I draw these plans out immediately to see if this is a feasible task, or just a drain dream. Anyway. Peace

Truly Amazing

Ever just look at someone and regard them as an amazing person. I have misinterpreted that demeanor time and time again, but my percentage is not too bad. In fact I have more correct assumptions than incorrect, yet it's my own unfortunate luck that has "selected" certain people to remain vital in my life. They were amazingly disappointing. I created a pyramid of traits that were an illusion; simply invisible to everyone else except myself. Amazing. Hah, I have an amazing time trying to figure out what is so amazing about the people I find amazing. 

This may hurt you more than it hurts me

Ever heard that phrase?? 

Of course it will hurt me more, it probably did not hurt at all to commit the inane act that resulted in broken promises and disloyalty. In fact, nothing hurt at all... tears did not fall, shrieks of forgiveness were not heard, and a conscience must have died. Why would someone even consider starting bad news with that phrase?? This may hurt you... how about "This will hurt..."

True enough and plainly stated. 

I doubt the pleasurable moments would entail pain. People rarely consider consequences. 

I never wrote a poem that said this may hurt you... the reason I wrote it in the first place was because I was hurt.  

This may have turned into a poem

Staring at her from across way, you see her face... you watch her waist. You know that you have no interest in dancing with anyone else from this place. Beautiful, intriguing, and your believing in your conscience when you hear echo "she's the one." No clue of what her name is, her occupation, her age, or if she has kids. Yet you know she's the one you want to be with. 

Without opposition you move in position. Standing in front of her and saying nothing. You smile, reach for her hand, and move toward the dance floor. An experience subliminally regarded as tradition. A coveted union between perfect strangers, smiles and flirtatious glances exchanged. Hearts changed as warmth is felt from to the core. Loving the moment that seems to be lasting forever, or as long as the song plays. Her hips sway and her thighs tense. Body movements observed as artistic, she becomes your idolized individual. Your quiet painting. Your soft silhouette. 

Hello 2009

Ever feel as if you belong somewhere. As if its entire construction was fabricated with you in mind. Needs and wants for my soul become as accessible as the air. I feel as if I'm home, suffocating no more. People should be where they draw strength from their environment, where they feel energy from their surroundings, or where a sense of overwhelming pride flourishes from their home. 

That's if we have the choice of course. 

Happy New Year to all (the handful) of readers that stop through. What do you want this year to entail? How do you want it to be different than last year's? I for one want optimism to rule over every decision I have. I want the ugliest situation to rain beauty, I want down and out to translate up & moving forward. This will be necessary if I intend to move to a city as cut-throat as New York. Let downs and disappointments will occur daily. I want to make a wonder of how I can keep smiling.