S dot dot dot

If only she knew of the words I've been writing
It wouldn't be reciting
it'd be word fighting
As I wish that all can hear me from this stage and
my rage would be felt from the words off this page
My stomach churns and anxiety would stop fighting the urge to appear normal
The only thing normal is the fact that i'm human
and you can't live with certain things in life, so you try hard to kill em
you can't deal with things in life, so I'll stop dealing
rather have a possessing feeling overwhelm me from floor to ceiling and
i can't keep reeling in my soft rationale to understand that the actions now are
subliminal strikes back,
yeah I'd write that
cuz i likes that
yet HATE this, i'm not complacent and maybe I should just listen to her advice
or maybe I should just get a move on with my life
whatever decision it's thin like a knife...
I sigh heavy and black smoke exits my mouth
trying to figure this heavy shit out, leave that light shit for another poem
60 minutes on a phone, no where far did I roam, I just wanted to be back home
back to the usual
back to the norm
but its far from existence
maybe with persistence it can survive
with all this resistance I think it'll just die
why?
WHY
Why the hell do things do what they do
People say the shit like this exists in movies
no it happens in life, "my best friend girl" is just funny
"The break up" is meant to make you laugh
the shit aint funny in real life, it's Karma's wrath
math and science have no compliance,
no formulas
no critical thinking
no scientific method for structured understanding

all you can take from it is...
Its happening.
you ask "why"
pain won't subside for weeks and even months
Your voice is muted for needs and even wants
So, prayer
and time and maybe I can find a peace of mind
but I doubt it
someone will be rejected (him)
right now my judgment is clouded
Just glad i can find refuge in words
solace in silence and now I know why the rain falls...