Vicious Cycle

and the cycle

begins.

This cycle of pain, this repetitive motion where victim and victimized cast down roles to newcomers. I won't be long because it doesn't take much to make this subject explicable. But, we all (should) know about pain, in some sort of fashion or another. The pain from losing a dog, a friend as a child, a loved one, and the reprehensible pain of heartache. Beats thunder through your soul, echoing in the silence of loneliness. Yeah it's that kind of hurt. We all (should) know and we all dread its untimely deliverance.

Today, I spoke with an old friend about their situation and how life has been treating them since we last spoke. In which I was described a person I had not recognized; filled with anxiety, stress, pain, distrust and paranoia. This coming from a person that was extremely laid back, fun, carefree, and full of love. They claimed that they were, "fucked for life when it comes to relationships now lol its sad actually." Their own recognition that all hope of loving, trusting and believing in true love had vanished. Although, I believe that in time this will scab, and eventually heal. Leaving a mark to remind them of what they had been through, but someday returning back to love. This person allowed their counterpart to flip their world completely upside down, presenting lies, stress, anger, and hatred in a fashion to drain my friend from hopeful life.

This is a cycle. I was told that they could never be with someone and give the same qualities they had delivered. They said that their is no point in relationship and love; the thing is, I've said this too. Heartache can be a devastating ordeal, and we see in the dark after it has been blanketed on our souls. In my past, I delivered pain to many, not caring whether their feelings were involved and reckless on emotional care. My once untainted soul, delivering trust and happiness to the person I felt deserved it, only to be manipulated, tossed around and taken for granted. After that I honestly went on a spree of spreading pain, not allowing myself to trust, and giving others a reason not to trust. I spoke to a former girlfriend who told me I completely changed her life after I put her through the things I did. She actually thanked me, but in doing what I did I flipped her perception of love, trust and happiness. She forgave me finally. But tormented soul torments another, I wonder how many people were affected by what I did to her, and what about the others? Not to really point fingers, but I messed others lives because my life was messed with, and I know others who've dealt with similar circumstances, tainting the innocent around them because of their own pain. A cycle of pain, transferring from corrupt to innocent. I won't go further, but there is much to be said.